Hoping to Move Past This Phase Soon

I have been tormented by what happened in Connecticut.

I am from the south, far far away from the horribleness that happened there last Friday.

My daughter is six years old. Turning seven in two weeks exactly.

How is it possible that something happening so far away within the U.S. can still effect me and feel like it happened at my own front porch steps?

Why can't I forget this tragedy and move on to think about more pleasant things, like Christmastime or happy songs, ANYTHING!

Maybe because I had to explain to my six year old child how to protect herself at school.

Now, I didn't go into details with her but I wanted to know (HAD TO KNOW!) how much actual knowledge she had when it comes to finding a hiding place, hitting the floor, or covering her head in the mere moments of an attack.

Then it comes to me that I am having this conversation with a six year old, and I have to be vague at what I say because I don't want her to be scared to go to school either.

A SIX YEAR OLD GIRL.

I'm just so sick over all of this madness.

My post is just my thoughts on what our little family is going through, and in no way could I even begin to think about what these poor families from CT are going through. I just know I have this innate sense to protect my babies, and like every other mother right now, I feel so violated.

I have never been at a loss for words when it comes to being a mother. And for the first time in my life I have no idea how to explain this to my daughter how bad things can happen to kids within an elementary school regarding guns, shooting, hiding, drills.

I pray for guidance.
I pray for words to explain even the toughest of questions.
I pray for childhood innocence to be protected in my house.
And, I pray for safety to be practiced in the time of the unknown.

I know bad things can happen anywhere, but I don't want to send my child off to school hoping for the best but being prepared for the worse....

It seems like I'm sending her to a battlefield or something.

With the hope that she has tools in her mind to outsmart someone crazy.

Or that she is merely lucky.

I'm really trying hard to not dwell on this entire situation. I have never been actually scared about these things until last Friday.

Please pray for my motherhood instincts to know what to do for my sweet children.

As I read over this post I almost hate it because I feel so selfish having all these insecurities when people have suffered so much within our country.

Lastly,

I pray for that school family. I am truly sorry for your loss and pray your community will rebuild stronger than before with time. You are all in my prayers.