For Fun

Sidewalk Chalk Day

Our four leaf clover only had three sides. 

That's because Miss Jacee-Kay said that she'd never seen a four leaf clover, so they must not really exist. 

I searched and searched at the park to prove her wrong, but couldn't.

Thus a three leaf clover is what we made. =)  

The Feeling of "Miss"

I have joined an amazing league of women this past year, and I'm sure I'm not alone in this feeling of sheer genuine gratitude. I joined to help the underpriviledge youth and in turn realized how it really has helped me and helped me grow.  Not only being a part of such a wonderful organization, but being a part of such a wondeful organization who promotes socializing with your new found friends. 

I have this one friend in particular.  She is amazing.  She speaks English well, but not as her first language.  It wouldn't matter if you couldn't understand her though, because her personality overshines any language barrier you may have. 

She is truly the best. 

She and I like to sit by eachother and talk about our kids, our work, and small talk of course.
I look up to her so much.

One meeting right before the holidays, rifting through the hustle and bustle of organizing our community service, work schedules, and family time, I confided in her how this year was so busy how I just really miss my children.

"I mean I just miss them so much." I had begun to feel guilty about some of the late night community projects, meetings, working, being away from them during the day, and catching up with them in the evenings or on the weekend. I just missed them so much.  It had begun to take a toll on me and I was wondering if I had bitten off more than I could chew. 

My friend, who gets to stay at home more often than I, said so sweetly, "Oh....you miss your children." Almost as if she had been there before. She said to me something that made me feel better and at the same time I had to ponder over her words to make sure I understood her correctly, "I miss that feeling of miss." That's what she told me as she looked at me almost as if she were a teensie weensie bit jealous.

I didn't need to ask, I knew exactly what she meant somehow.
Some people get to be with their children ALL day everyday, that you don't hear very often how much they miss their kids.
I genuinely cherish my moments with my children that don't come along too often.
We enjoy breakfast together.
We enjoy movies together.
We enjoy playing together.
We enjoy reading together.
Constantly laughing and joking.
Although some tears and arguments form.
Melt Downs are well heard of too in our house.

DON'T Get me Wrong here.  The respect I hold for women who stay home with their children is beyond measureable. I think it is one of the toughest most respected jobs ever.

But I have something very special too.

I have the feeling of "miss" for all these moments.

Good and Bad.
Yelling and Quiet.
Fighting and Playing Peacefully.
Dancing and Singing.
I MISS IT ALL.

And I'm lucky that I get to feel that feeling of miss instead of that feeling of 'not again'.
There is not a day that goes by that I don't miss my children while they are at school and I am at work.
While they are at home and I am at meetings.
But at the end of the day I am excited about going home and spending those cherishing moments that I have with them, even if they are melt downs. 

I am happy to come home everyday.

I look at the feeling of miss in a whole new light now.

It may not be ideal to 'miss' your children, but I can truly comprehend the concept of what missing them actually feels like.
And this feeling of 'miss' will not be taken for granted.
I am truly lucky to know what this feels like.

My Husband is Crafty

After a long day at work on Tuesday, February 14, and a long meeting afterwards that lasted until around 8:00 that evening. I missed my husband, my kids, my dogs, and my couch!

I was happy to go home.

Exhausted but HAPPY!

I found a scavenger hunt awaited for me. 

How crafty is he?!

Now that I know he is so talented in arts and crafts I will just memory bank this for later events when I will need to recruit him in this area. ;)

At the end of the scavenger hunt I found Blakelynne, Jacee-Kay, and Doug huddled in my closet with a beautiful necklace and earing set.  I am so loved. 

I love surprises. 

Esspecially when they are so crafty!

How cute is this?

The love bug was in the air this valentines.  

My sister sent me a picture of her 

crafty workmanship that she designed for her husband. 

How CUTE is THIS!? 

I may have to steal this for next year. 

Good Morning Valentine

My Sweet Girls this morning before school today.
Happy Valentines Day LOVEYS!

The picture above is how most (if not all) of my pictures look.  

So Cute. 

Gotta Love them.

My VDay Date

This morning Doug is still feeling very sick.  (stomach thing)

Regardless, I asked him to Sadie Hawkins via Valentine Day Basket. 

Along with some fitting heart shaped pancakes.

He accepted. 

=) 

But he said that he really hopes he feels better before the dance.  

What a turkey.

Is he not the cutest ever?!

Valentine My Valentine:

All of This:

 LED TO THIS:

Sadie Valentine

 I have never been to Sadie Hawkins before.  My High School did not do this crazy turn around dance where the girl asks the boy.  In a way I'm glad, because I wouldn't have had the courage to ask anyone! and it would've tormented me, stressed me out to do this kinda thing.  

But in a way I'm a little bummed out too because this would have been so much fun. 

The High School my husband attended had a Sadie Hawkins Dance and it's kinda of a big deal and a great memory (even if he doesn't admit that it's a big deal) The girls can simply just ask the guy out OR they can create a neat crafty way to do it.  

February is Sadie's month here.

The sweet girl who cuts my hair (and went to the same high school as my husband) told me that normally a girl makes a little basket for her date as a way to ask him and fills it up with some of his favorite things. Are you kidding me! That's awesome! So thus, I stole this idea as my own for my husband's Valentine's Day gift.  It's not much and we are definitely into saving money these days.  But I came up with some craft inventions of my own to stuff the basket without breaking the bank.

AND

I get to ask out a boy for the first time.

Not just any boy though, my prince.

=)

One of my favorite things I stuffed in this basket was an origami paper fold that we learned when we were in grade school.  It only took me about 12 practice tries.  I finally got it perfected.  Here's how it's done:

ok start with a square paper, and fold the four corners all the way in, until the corners are in the center.

Now you should be looking at a smaller square.

Turn the whole thing over so that the back (the smooth part) is facing you...

Fold the four corners of the smaller square in, toward you, until the corners are in the center.

With the part you just folded face UP, fold the whole thing in half.

Put your thumb and forefingers underneath the outer layers and and push inward.
Viola.

It's the simple, free things like a piece of paper note, that makes my heart swoon the most. 

To My Dearest Blakelynne,

You are 21 months old this month and only three months shy of turning two years old this year. You are such a sweet girl.  You love to twirl your mommy's hair.  You love to play barbies with your big sister Jacee-Kay.  And you really love to eat ramen noodles.  Your favorite.  I love you so much.  The thing you really like almost more than anything is snuggling with your mommy at bedtime. You love Elmo and Foofa.  You love to wear your Toodee shirt to bed.  You like to take your shoes and socks off when you get home from school.  You enjoy all princess movies, especially Snow White. I love rocking you to sleep and love when you get so exhausted, how you turn your sweet little head into my arm.  You pretty much do a flip every time, just to get comfortable.

More than all of these things you love your pacifier.  You call it your paci.  "My Paci" is what you say.  It is so sweet.  It is the first thing you ask for when I pick you up from school each day.  It is the first thing you ask for before bedtime.  It is the first thing you wanted when you woke up from your procedures in the hospital.  I have never deprived you of your paci. I know how much you truly love it.  You truly have needed it to "pacify" situations in life.  I have struggled with depriving you of this because you are my baby girl.  You mean so much to me and anything to cause you pain and suffering I want to protect you from.

However, I have learned today that you are the only baby left in the 1 year old classroom at daycare who takes a paci still.  I feel like I have prolonged the paci phase not only because you love it so much, but because you are my baby.

When the teachers at school are trying to "ween" you off during the day, I only give it to you during the night.  You even take a bath with this thing.  We own more than ten pacifiers, just in case of emergency situations. ;)  There is a special drawer for them and you know where they are! At 21 months old you know where this drawer is! You have never heard the word no when it comes to paci's!  In fact, you love them so much that you aren't even inclined to share them with your daddy.  He loves to take them away from you and put them in his mouth to see your reaction.  It is so funny. You cry out "MY PACI, DADDY!"

You may not find it funny, but we love to trick you for that split second to see how you will respond.  After all, you are one of the cutest babies ever. (Jacee-Kay was also the cutest too! Same levels of cuteness and curls! I have been so blessed!)

Last night we decided to take the paci away for good.  Weening you off of it has been difficult for you, so COLD TURKEY is what mommy and daddy have decided for you.  Night One was so sad.  You cried for thirty minutes for the paci and I told you how sorry I was that we could not give it to you.  I know you were upset with us.  I am proud of you that you went to sleep without it.  At four a.m. this morning you awoke searching for your paci.  It normally falls off to the side of daddy in bed and you woke him up asking for him to help you.  Daddy told you that it wasn't there and to go back to sleep sweet girl.  You just cried and kept asking us for it to help you go back to sleep.  I sang to you, and it didn't really help that much, but you did eventually fall back to sleep around five a.m.

I just want you to know that this is all for your own good.  You are so smart and special to us.  We are sorry we waited so long to put you through this stage of no paci.  You are our perfect angel, and if we didn't think it was for your own good we wouldn't do this I promise.  But maybe after some time you won't miss it as much as you thought you might.

It broke my heart to hide the paci's from you.  You have no idea.  You went to the drawer this morning to grab one before school even.  There weren't any there.  I am so sorry. I feel so bad to do this to you. I love you,

Mommy.

Carnival

Implementing sticker chart/reward boards has been such a SMART thing to do.  

I owe this idea to Jamie for showing me how wonderful sticker charts can be. 

Of course, I also googled the effects of sticker/reward boards and low and behold "it"-(the internet)

believes that this is one of the best ways to get your child to start being responsible at an early age.  It also helps children form good cleaning/helping habits. 

So far SO GOOD!

I am not surprised, my kids are awesome. ;)

It has also helped cut down on all those unnecessary grocery store toy items. 

 Now, Miss Jacee is having to work hard for all her

 toys and clothes and shoes and scarves.  

It's wonderful.  

So, I knew after the first week of implementing this reward system that the reward needed to be huge if she did great.  

She did great.

Therefore, we just had to make a trip out to the carnival.  

Something Jacee-Kay has wanted to do everytime we drive by the mall.  

Jamie and I may have picked the coldest day EVER to go to the carnival.  

We froze, but we had the carnival to ourselves.  

The kids literally could run from ride to ride to ride without lines or without us having to 

worry about losing them.  

They were the only kids there.

I'd say it was a success.

A great memory which is what I want her childhood to be about.

Great Memories.

On the way home in the car, Jacee-Kay said, "Thank you mommy.  I had the best day."

The cold, sleeting, scary ferris wheel was all worth those words.

"You deserved it Jacee-Kay."

=) And she really does.

There is something unsettling about your child sitting in a swing, high, in the sky, sideways.  I was not a fan of these, but the kids sure loved it.  I really couldn't watch.  I'm a cry baby.

A roller coaster that was a little on the scary side??!!  Jamie and I rode this with the kids. HA! I was saying, "Oh it can't be that bad, it just goes around in a circle."  Well, no, it goes in a CRAZY circle and it zips around so fast you think you might fly off.  I couldn't even ride the baby coaster....how am I gonna make it through the teenage six flag years? 

This is my kind of ride right here.  I am glad she's not a scardy cat like her mommy is.  But I could've just stayed by the merry-go-round all day.  This is more my cup of tea.  =)

So. You think you can zumba?

My Jacee-Kay is a dancer.
She's got more moves than I've ever seen a child have.
I love watching her imagination take the reigns.
She is definitively talented.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_j8797cdTo

Jacee

I have waited a while to write this post about my Jacee.

She was only five when her sister became violently ill due to a common childhood sickness.

Blakelynne fought for her life and I dealt with alot of feelings of grief, turmoil, and parental regrets for a period of time.

I wanted to sooth Jacee-Kay, but I wouldn't leave Blakelynne's side.

They both needed their mommy.

Not quite a month had passed after Blakelynne's life threatening condition did I pick Jacee-Kay up from school with a minor eye injury.

She had sand fly in her eyes from playing in the sand box at school, and was in a great deal of pain by the time we got home that day.  I almost couldn't believe that I was contemplating yet another trip to emergency care.  Didn't I just fight those questionable feelings with Blakey of:

"Is it really that bad?"
"If we were thinking clearly, would we wait until morning to just take her to her regular pediatrician?"
"If we go tonight will doctors and nurses overreact to something a regular doctor can handle in a swift notion?"

After concluding that the injury was emergency room worthy, I gave Jacee-Kay the news.

The entire way to the emergency room Jacee-Kay screamed at me.  Telling me how much she was mad. How she couldn't believe I would do this to her.  I just told her how sorry I was that we had to go, but that a doctor was the only one who could help us. I was very calm.  A veteran, if you will, at emergency trips.

I had to literally drag her into the facility.

I mean drag her.
She screamed.  A five year old screaming at the top of their lungs.
"PLEASE, NO." over and over and over again.

I'm sure onlookers probably thought to themselves that I could not handle my child.
You see, I didn't stop her from screaming. I let her yell at me and cry. I let her hit me. I let her fight me.  I did not fight back or try to control her.  I tried to sooth her, but I let her fight.

And this is why.

A month earlier I watched my youngest child fight to live.
I had to decide weather or not my older one should come to the hospital which was about an hour and a half from where we lived.

These were my thoughts.  Right or wrong, selfish or foolish, here they are:

"No, don't bring her, I don't want her to see her sister like this. It's scary here."
"Ok, I need Jacee-Kay, I really need to hold one of my children right now, please bring her."
"No, she doesn't need to miss any school days, please keep her and make sure she gets to school."
"Actually, you know what, she has perfect attendance, go ahead and bring her up, she needs me."
"No, don't bring her, she will forever be traumatized by hospitals."
"PLEASE, bring MY baby, I want to color with her today"

I was a total basket case.  Indecisive.  Sleep deprived. Grieving.  I finally decided after learning that Blakelynne may not make it out that I wanted Jacee-Kay there.  I felt that if she didn't get a chance to tell her sister good bye that she may never forgive me.  I needed Jace to tell Blake good bye.  And I needed her not to realize that she was saying goodbye.

I had Jacee-Kay come to Temple for a couple of hours one day.

On that day Jacee-Kay didn't say much.
She was quiet and reserved and didn't want to really look at Blakelynne.  I admit it was pretty scary to see our baby like that.  I did however have Jacee-Kay go stand with her sister and hold her hand at the same time I held Jacee-Kay's hand. I didn't lose it.  Although, I had thoughts that this was possibly the last time I would have both of my girls together. I was grasping for time. Although I knew this was upsetting for Jacee, in my heart I believed one day Jacee-Kay would thank me even if that meant that doctors and hospitals were going to be a bad, scary, unforgiving place for a while.

Later that day, before she left the hospital, Jacee-Kay asked me if Blakelynne was going to die.  I told her that deep in my heart I didn't think it was her time, but I wasn't sure.  We prayed.  I told Jacee-Kay that the reason I didn't think that Blakelynne would die was because she was too much of a fighter.

"She has fought this far for her life." I continued, "She bites kids at school who steal her paci, she's feistier than normal babies, and don't get me started on how she throws her silverware at you if she doesn't like what's for supper."
Jacee laughed through tears.
"She has a temper and she never listens at home.  Because of all of this mommy has even more hope than normal, because that only means Blakey will fight, fight, fight to the end to save her own life."
I had to say goodbye to Jacee not long after that talk.
I'm still not sure how she handled everything that day.

A month later................
Here we are.
Back at the hospital, only now it was for Jacee-Kay.

So, as we entered the emergency room,  I let her hit me and fight me and yell at me all she wanted to.
Even with people starring.

Doctors whispering. And nurses asking me to control her.

I knew they couldn't understand what our Jacee-Kay had been through.
The best child in the world acting like a crazy child. I could only patiently stand still, smile on the inside, cry on the outside and bask in her will to fight me.

And that's ok that they didn't understand why I let her act that way.

I knew in my heart that letting Jacee-Kay fight was the best thing for her.